Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Things that make me go GRRR

Hey guys. Been a while since i wrote something on here, so I thought that I would come up with something. This may seem a little long...just a heads up. I couldn't really think of anything particularly productive to write, so I decided to create a list of some things I hate (not that you should care). It continues to grow, in no particular order.

♦Martin Lawrence. Yeah, we get it: white people can't dance and they all talk like a 1940's gangster. Fat-suits and hacky "black comedy" are funny for about 10 minutes. How can a man be a millionaire and still continue to say "axe" when he means to use the word "ask?" You, sir, have overstayed your welcome. Go away and take your low-rent, "straight to DVD" movies with you. Douche.

♦Geddy Lee's voice. Nails on a chalkboard.

♦Sammy Hagar. Bleh. If music were a shopping center, he would be K-Mart. I wanted to put VanHalen up here too, but it seemed like overkill. Hate that band.

♦People who set their MySpace profiles to private. Are you really that important? Are there really thousands of people who must be fended off as they attempt to interrupt your dumb life through MySpace? Eat a bullet (dot com).

♦If you want to complain about religion and its need for your money, you'd better start here. Whimsically created by a second-rate, piece of shit science fiction writer (and alleged child molester) named L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology is the biggest turd in a punch bowl ever encountered by man. Take every religion you know, isolate their flaws, multiply that by 100, and you'll understand Scientology.

♦People who refuse to use their cruise control on freeways. Their constantly fluctuating speed makes me want to bite something.

♦Mullets. Business in the front, party in the back. If syphilis were a hair style...

♦Stupid, outdated, irrelevant, obsolete search engines that continue to exist for no good reason whatsoever. Included in this category are Lycos.com and Ask.com along with several others I can't even begin to remember.

♦People who walk around incessantly talking about how they practice Wicca. I'm sorry you didn't get a puppy when you were 6 and so now you're pissed off at God but are too afraid to commit to atheism. However, I must ask that you please choke on your "magic" medallions, chalices and charm beads. Your religion is fake and so is the idiotic dye in your hair. You completely blow mule shaft unlike any other.

♦Morbidly obese women who drive a Geo Metro or similarly sized vehicle. Those things have 4 point shocks just to support them and can handle more weight than most flatbeds.

♦Guys who wear cowboy hats on a regular basis in the year 2008.

♦Damp socks.

♦The smell of any aquatic life form.

♦"Hip" guys who do that fake cow-lick thing to the front of their hair using gel. Lamer.

♦When people have a wispy, air-leak sound that flows through their poorly-fitted false teeth as they speak. The clicking sound really bothers me too, when it's present.

♦People who ask you if you can combine all their old computers into one "Mega-Super-Computer"... to save money. This isn't a lego kit, and that isn't how it works Douche nozzle.

♦Mustache wearers. They often are hiding something.

♦People who use the phrase "Our Home on the Web" as a cute way to say "website." If you are one of these un-inventive butt-spelunkers, please develop a facial cancer before you have a chance to reproduce... and don't wear your seat belt.

♦Dr. Phil

♦Dr. Phil's Show

♦Those who are interested in Dr. Phil's views.

♦Poodles of ANY size. What a dumb, useless, soulless dog. Buy a brick. It's cheaper, and smarter.

♦People who mention the fact that Hitler was involved in bringing the Volkswagen Bug to fruition... as if it makes up for the ovens.

♦People who throw their used toilet paper in a trash can rather than flushing it. Savages.

That's all I could come up with right now, but I'm sure the list will grow.

No comments:

Post a Comment